I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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