He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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