someone threw a dead crab at me
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
