Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
