I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
