Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
