If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
