if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Randomize
