I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Randomize
