That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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