I wish I could teleport
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
