K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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