the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
