Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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