I would go down on you faster than GM stock
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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