i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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