I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
