she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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