i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
