Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
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