Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
