"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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