apparently the secret to your success is patron
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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