You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
