Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Randomize
