I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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