Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Randomize
