Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Someone signed my nipple.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
