I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
