a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
