One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
