Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
