i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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