i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize