i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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