i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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