Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
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