good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize