we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
She tied me up with her honor cords...
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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