I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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