I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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