Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
