My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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