5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
