We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
