Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
