so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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