If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Dicks are not precious.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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