they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize