first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I woke up under a house in Key West
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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