Can i not drive my cunt home
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
