evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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