Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
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