Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Small penises have feelings too.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Omg I joined a choir last night...
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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