My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
