you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
