We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
