I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
