I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
