yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I am mentally ready for anal.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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