The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
