He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
