He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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