your parents love me but you hate me
Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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