I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
