I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I'm just crazy horny about you
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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