I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
