I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
tonight lets celebrate not being married
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
