fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Redeem this text for a blowjob
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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